


Gone For Good

by Anonymous_Cupcake



Series: Whumptober (Eiji Edition) [15]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Crying, Hurt/Comfort, It's just big sad boy hours, M/M, Max and Sing try to help, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Post-Canon, Pre-Side Story: Garden of Light, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27099853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Cupcake/pseuds/Anonymous_Cupcake
Summary: Prompt 19 (Grief/Mourning Loved One/Survivor's Guilt)Three years after everything and Eiji still can't move on.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Max Lobo & Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Sing Soo-Ling
Series: Whumptober (Eiji Edition) [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947514
Comments: 3
Kudos: 62





	Gone For Good

**Author's Note:**

> I got a better idea like, ten minutes before deciding to post it XD I'll probably make it a seperate fic later down the line. This was one of the few fics I wrote in advance so I'm posting it now and then I'll backtrack when I get the chance and post the rest I missed.
> 
> Edit: I got a discord for people who want updates about my work or if you just want to chat about Banana Fish  
> https://discord.gg/SfWtu25bbH

Eiji didn't feel bad when he tried to kill himself. It had only been three years. Three years after Ash's death. Eiji didn't believe it at first. He went back to America as soon as he could because Ash couldn't possibly be dead, he survived worse than one stab wound.

It wasn't until Eiji saw the body that he knew it was real.

And his world shattered.

He nearly bled out to death on the bathroom floor. He thought he was leaning over the tub, arms submerged in water, but he was so light headed that it turned out he fell back. He didn't remember hitting his head.

The phone kept ringing the entire time. It was almost grounding. Eiji already knew who it was. The moment it seemed to stop and Eiji could finally close his eyes, Sing ran in.

"Oh fuck, Eiji…" He trailed off, kneeling beside him and trying to get him to sit up. His eyes focused on Eiji's arms. Both had one long gash that traveled from his wrist to nearly his elbow.

It was such a pain. It kept clotting up.

Sing grabbed a towel and wrapped Eiji's arms. "Keep them close to your chest alright?" He grabbed his phone from his pocket. Eiji tried to lower his arms but Sing kept them up right. "Please, just hold on. I'll call… fuck, just let me call someone."

Eiji tried to shake his head but everything _hurt_. He shivered. He didn't want this. He wanted Ash, he needed him. Sing kept holding his arms, his voice muffled as Eiji tried to pull them away.

"Stop…" he begged. He didn't want an ambulance. He didn't want to go to a hospital. He didn't want to live.

Sing ignored him. He put the phone down and focused on Eiji. "Stay with me, alright? Hey, just look at me. Look at me." he pleaded as Eiji kept drifting off. It was so cold… he was so close… 

"Just wanna see Ash…"

"Eiji, _please_." Sing was still a kid. He was— is— just a kid. He lost so much, was Eiji selfish for doing this?

The next thing he knew, he was in the hospital.

His arms were bandaged, and the nurse gave him a disappointing look when he tried to unravel them. He had been numb up until that point. It wasn't until Sing rushed inside the room that Eiji could feel the anger boiling inside him.

He felt a slight twinge of regret when he slapped Sing. Slight.

"Why?!" He screamed, a fresh set of tears rolling down his face. "I was so close!"

Sing had a hand against his face where Eiji hit him. Hurt and concern filled his eyes. "Eiji…"

The anger went away, but the tears didn't stop. Eiji slumped down. "I was so close…"

He didn't apologize for slapping him. Sing didn't ask for one.

Eiji stayed there for a few days. He lost track of how long. Sing was still a kid, so it was Max that picked him up and took the two of them to Eiji's apartment. He said he didn't mind. Eiji looked out the window the entire time hoping that maybe, just maybe, he would see a glimpse of blond hair.

He saw nothing.

Max and Sing stayed for nearly two weeks. When they got there, they had scavenged the place to get rid of everything remotely sharp. Eiji slept while they worked. When he woke up, Sing shoved a zip lock bag filled with nearly two weeks worth of antidepressants in his face.

"You weren't taking them." He stated, and Eiji could only nod. Sing didn't ask why, just took the bag away. It was embarrassing, Eiji was an adult for crying out loud. 

_He should've found a better spot to hide them._

Max helped out when Eiji couldn't be bothered to do anything. He kept saying he didn't mind helping, but Eiji was wary. He knew Max pitied him, knew Max didn't stop looking for Ash until last year. Eiji had wanted to yell at him for giving up on him. He threw the wedding invitation he got a few months later in the trash. He wondered if Max hated him.

Eiji wouldn't be surprised if he did.

When Max left, Sing stayed. He was too afraid to leave Eiji alone again.

"I'll be fine." Eiji tried to reason, but Sing wasn't having it.

"You barely did anything while we were here. I…" Sing sighed. "It's been three years, Eiji. You have to let him go."

_No._ It was on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to scream it. He wanted to claim that he could never just "let go" of Ash.

But it's been three years. Ash isn't coming back. He won't show up out of nowhere to pull Eiji out of his funk. Eiji will never see him again.

"It's my fault." Eiji realized. Sing stared at him, perplexed, before Eiji began laughing uncontrollably. Tears fell down his face again as the harsh reality hit Eiji like a truck. "It's all my fault."

Eiji collapsed onto the couch, still crying and laughing as Sing hesitantly sat next to him.

"What do you mean?" he asked. Eiji couldn't help but smile. When was the last time he did that?

"I killed him."

Sing's eyes widened at the accusation. Eiji couldn't remember the last time he got so worked up. He wrapped his arms tightly around Eiji, shaking his head furiously.

"Don't say that. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was!" Everything was Eiji's fault. He wrote the stupid letter, he couldn't shoot a man three feet in front of him, he couldn't protect himself, he couldn't save anyone… All Eiji did was bring tragedy.

Ash was dead because of him.

"I killed him." Eiji repeated. The maniac laughter died down and was replaced with the sounds of him crying. He didn't hug Sing back, he didn't deserve it. Sing buried his head into Eiji's shoulder.

"No, it wasn't your fault. Please don't say that. You did everything you could do."

He didn't do enough, obviously, because it's Sing who's holding him and not the boy he loves.

The boy he _loved_.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the Sad Eiji Hours club, how Sad Eiji Hours are ya?


End file.
